You Never Give Me Your Money

Once again, bonus points if you know the song the title is referring to.

I want to try and preface this by saying that I'm not trying to argue. I know I come off as argumentative, and much of time I probably am. I'm working on that. I legitimately hope whoever reads this will listen to what I have to say, and that you might be able to see the world from a different viewpoint after hearing my experiences.  I know this is a long post, but I feel deeply about the things I am about to speak upon, and I hope that maybe those who read it will understand why I act and think the way I do.

I definitely understand the importance of money in a marriage, and understand you do need money to support a family, and that there is nothing cheap about having a family. Financial matters are a leading cause of divorce in America. Financial burdens put stress on the family and can lead to feelings of doubt, worthlessness, and a sense of failure.

On the other hand, I know that having a family is possible on any income. The Lord will provide a way as long as you put forth the time and effort required. You must act, and not be acted upon. You must live the laws God has put forth, and move towards eternal life. This means paying your tithing, going to the Temple, and obeying any covenants you have made. The Lord told his Apostles: "And why take ye thought for raiment? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow; they toil not, neither do they spin: And yet I say unto you, That even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these." I hope to show through these following stories and examples, that while money is necessary in the life, the Lord triumphs over all.

My zone leader, Elder Harvey (who happens to go to this school) grew up in a large family. I'm unsure of the exact number, but we all know that one Mormon family who took the “replenish and repopulate the earth” commandment to heart. Having a family of this size creates some issues financially. How do you send your children to college? How do you pay for food? How do you go on vacations? Those questions and concerns aren't limited to just large families though. They are questions every parent thinks about. It's not easy to be a parent. Elder Harvey’s father works at a grocery store. He has done it his whole life. He loves it. He isn't anyone special. He doesn't own the store. He just scans items, cleans isles, and all the other things a grocery store worker does. He has never made a lot of money, but he has always had enough for his family to live on. Do they have a lot of fancy cars? No. Do they have a lot of cool toys? No. Do they take lots of expensive vacations? No. But they have a family who loves each other and understands the value of a dollar. All of the children are hard workers, and have learned the lesson of working for what you want. That is something most people don't know. That is, at the very least, something I don't truly comprehend and have not fully learned yet.

Kandace said some things in her post that made me think:

"I don't want to succeed more at life than my husband does"

What defines success? Is it making more money than the next person? Is it having kids who do well in school? Is it being a valuable member of your society? Succeeding at life is so much more than just making money and having a stable job. There are many people in the world who have suceeded in life by the worlds standard, yet live miserably and uncomfortably with themselves.

"$50k is hard to live on"

While I don't want to claim that living on $50k a year is easy to live on, I do want to point out that it is far from hard to live on. The majority of the people in the world won't make $50k in year. The majority of people in the world may not even make $50,000 in ten years. Unfortunately, that type of rationale is lost and of no effect on most people. We can't relate to that in America. We live in the richest nation on the earth, we live in a country where people make that kind of money, and where people live more than comfortably. Because of this, I will use statistics about Americans. Only 34% of Americans make more than 65,000 dollars a year. That means there are 202,624,323 Americans that live on less than $65,000 a year.

If 202 million people can live on less than $65,000 dollars a year, I'd have to say that it probably isn't nearly as hard to live on $50,000 dollars a year as you think it is. The Americans who struggle to live on $50,000 dollars a year are those who live outside of their means: they live in a house larger than they need, they drive cars more expensive than necessary, have useless electronics, and spend money on toys, vacations, and other desires. With $50,000 a year, you should have more than enough for a place to live, a car, three meals a day, and even basic luxuries like a computer, internet, and cable T.V.

It's a hard thing to see the world from any viewpoint than the one we were raised in. For much of my life I never understood how people could live the way they do. I come from a very privileged family, and we have more than enough money for our needs. I was more than humbled when I went on my mission to California and saw the living conditions of the members. Their living conditions don't even begin to compare to those of 3rd world countries, but they were far from what I thought was acceptable. Even my own apartments I thought were "unihabitable" at times. But something happened while I was on my mission. I learned that earthly possesions are nothing more than that: earthly. At the end of the day, these families had what really mattered: love, faith, friends, family.

“"You're California family is not a realistic family. They either have more money than they say they do, or they're making cuts where they shouldn't."

This family I spoke of was a family in North Highlands who I lived with for 6 months during my mission. I did not exaggerate in my story. They had everything they wanted and more. They had a house, two nice cars, and a big T.V. Were they living pay check to paycheck? More than likey. But they definitely had enough for their needs and for some luxuries as well.

I served in two extremes, North Highlands, and Granite Bay. The family from California I spoke of to Kandace was from North Highlands, which according to the US 2010 Census has a median household income of $32,278. So no, I was not lying when I said they made about $50,000 a year. On the other hand, according to the 2010 census, Granite Bay has a median income of $119,874. Many of the people there made quite a bit more (half a million to a million a year was normal). I can testify that while many of the members in Granite Bay had more money than those in North Highlands, the members in North Highlands were just as successful in life. Both areas had fantastic members willing to serve the Lord in any way. Both areas had loving families who cared for each other. Both areas had people who wanted nothing more than to serve the Lord. Granite Bay has some of the strongest and most giving members I’ve met, and their financial stability allows them to give generously financially. Many of the members in North Highlands were just as strong and giving, but their stability allowed them to give little financially. Instead they give their time and talents. They do service projects; they help the elderly, and make sure that the church is represented by good examples. Both types of giving are necessary for the Church to move forward.

I find this rule about money interesting: the more money you have, the more you spend. Those who have the most money are generally the most in debt. According to a recent survey, %40 of Americans live pay check to pay check. That includes people of all income levels. It doesn't matter how much you make, if you aren't wise with your money you will always be living from pay check to pay check? And why is this? That very simple rule I pointed out earlier. If you have money, you will find a way to spend it. I like to call it the money conundrum.  The people who don't have enough money with $50,000 dollars, are the same people who wouldn't have enough with $100,000 dollars. The people who don't have enough money with $100,000 dollars are those same people who wouldn't have enough money with $500,000 dollars. There's a reason most people who win the lottery or suddenly come upon vast ammounts of money (inheritance or other things) end up broke after a short period of time. It's because n the end it doesn’t matter how much you make or how much you have, unless you control your spending and urges you will never have enough.

My final thought, before this turns into a 20 page dissertation on money...

Allison said:

"Money is the number one cause of divorce"

This is a fact. I cannot argue it. But I think it is important to take this statement, and look much deeper at it. We must break through the surface and tread into uncomfortable waters. The reason that money is the number one cause of divorce is not because of families not making enough of it. It isn't because the husband isn't working. It isn't because they can't afford nice things. It's because one of the parties is making unwise decisions with the money available. It could be that one party is not budgeting properly, and spending much more than they have. It could be that one party feels that the other is spending too much on items they find unimportant. It all comes down to one party being selfish or unwise. If both parties can't agree on what to spend their money on, and how much to spend on those items, that is when the divorces happen. The divorces don't generally happen because they don't have enough money to live on.  

I truly hope you took the time to read and hopefully ponder upon the things I have said. I'm not trying to discredit having a plan. Having a plan is extremely important. I agree that if the person has no plan at all you need to drop them. But to discredit a person’s plan because of a lack of financial direction or because of a future of low paying jobs is selfish and inconsiderate. To blindly turn away a person based solely upon a five year plan that you don’t think will support a family will lead you to look past potential eternal companions.