With a Little Help From My Friends

In the middle of 2006 I received a piece of mail. This was out of the ordinary for me, but I had been expecting it for many weeks. You see, in the envelope was a piece of paper. Little did I know at the time, but that piece of paper would change my life.

I opened the envelope that day and read the contents silently. I wasn't sure what to tell my parents. I wasn't really sure what to tell anyone. I had been rejected from BYU Provo. The college of my dreams. The only real plan that I had for after high school involved me being in Provo, attending BYU. What was I supposed to do now?

When I applied for BYU online, I had the choice of also applying for BYU-Idaho and BYU-Hawaii at the same time. At the time I applied to both of them just in case. But I knew if I didn't get into Provo there was exactly a 0% chance of me getting into Hawaii. That basically left me with BYU-Idaho.

It was at that time I seriously started evaluating where and what I was going to do with my life. I'm pretty sure at that time I also applied to SUU and some other colleges in desperation. I didn't know much about BYU-Idaho other than that's where people who couldn't get into Provo went, and I didn't want to be at some reject school.

Time went on and I sooner or later found out that I had made it into BYU-Idaho. What an accomplishment! I got into a school for underachievers and rejects! I told my parents and my friends and the next thing I knew I was officially accepted as a student at BYU-Idaho, with a byui.edu e-mail address and everything. When people asked me if I was excited, I just went with the flow. I mean, I was pretty excited but in the back of my all I could think about was what a failure I was.

My first semester at BYU-Idaho was... interesting? It was my first time living away from home. I didn't know how to operate a laundry machine. I didn't know how to turn the dishwasher on. I didn't know how to do a lot of things. I had also apparently bought one of the only two person apartments in Rexburg. When I was looking online, I thought everyone just had one roommate, like in a dorm room. I thought having 3-5 roommates was a weird thing, and had never heard of it before.

So there I was, living with one other guy in a master bedroom. I mean, there was also kitchen and "living room". The kitchen was basically a fridge, stove, half sized microwave, and half sized dishwasher. I've still never seen a dishwasher that narrow in my life to this day.

Having people over was almost impossible, because the living room was only wide enough for a two person love seat. Because of this, my roommate was almost always gone to other peoples apartments. That first semester was one of the hardest times in my life. I was alone more often than not. I didn't know anyone, and no one ever came over. There was one redeeming factor though: Michaela. Michaela was a friend that I knew from backhome. We went to the same highschool, but were in different wards. We had never even talked really until our last semester when we both had a class together. She was always the happiest and most outgoing person I ever knew.

Anyways, Michaela also ended up at BYU-Idaho and so we would do things together, and she was my support system for most of my time up there. Me and Michaela became very good friends, and over time we began to open up to eachother. I began to tell her of my struggles and my depression. I remember telling Michaela I wish I could be like her. Always happy, always having fun. She told me that I didn't know her nearly as well as I thought I did. She told me she was on depression pills, and that before those that she was much like me. She encouraged me to see a doctor, because she had a hunch that they could help me in the same way they had helped her.

I was highly hesistant at first, and even resistant to see a doctor. A shrink? Nah, those were for crazy people. Somehow or another she was able to convince me to set up an appointment at the BYU-Idaho health center. She said we would go together. She would go to her appointment and I would go to mine.

I vaguely remember walking into the health center with Michaela and walking up the stairs to the waiting room. It seems almost sureal now, but at the time I was scared to death. I didn't know what was going to happen or who I was going to talk to. I sat in the waiting room more nervous than I had ever been in my life. Then they called my name.

I was introduced to a man who took me back into an office. It was a nice office with big comfortable chairs. I sat down and he began to ask me questions. I couldn't think of how to answer any of them. I eventually told him if he wanted to know how I feel I would need to write it out. I went into the room next door to a desk, and wrote. I filled up a piece of paper within a few minutes and handed it to him. I don't remember all the things I wrote on that paper. They aren't important. The doctor read them, and then talked to me for a while about how we can begin to fix the problem. He suggested seeing him once a week, and to begin to be put on a medicine.

That day was the single most important day in my life. I can say that with a surety. I believe it will continue to be the most important day in my life until I die. Far more important than graduating from College. More important than going on a mission. More important than getting married. Without that day, the rest of my life wouldn't exist. I owe a great debt to Michaela and the doctor who helped me.


Life never works out like the movie you directed in your head. Some times things happen for reasons. Some times things just happen. Life is full of both moments, but I would like to think that me going to BYU-Idaho was not by chance. Sometimes life gets hard. But never forget that life gets better. You may not be able to see it now, but it all works out in the end.